They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
