New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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