Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
