what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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