i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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