My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My feet surprised me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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