can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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