I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
