State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
