I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have feelings that need drinking.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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