this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
