i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
