and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
