You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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