Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
