You smell like stripper and shame
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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