Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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