my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
