I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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