he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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