i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
