i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
