Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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