Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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