so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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