also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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