Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
