I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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