there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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