We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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