well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
