can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
