there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
