The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it hurts more in the daytime
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
