Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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