Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
