Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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