the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
