So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
