She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
