ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
