If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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