she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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