i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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