have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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