Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
did i walk over a car last night?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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