she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
