he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
