yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
