we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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