she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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