My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
