sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
