She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
